My friend promised me, before killing me, that my coffin was going to be the coziest ever built by human hands. I mean, he should know. They were his hands that built the coffin. It was about nine years of hard strenuous work. A decade. Imagine that. He hadn’t even known he had been building a coffin until he had hammered in the last nail.
It was easy killing me. I had only the protection of God. And I don’t know about you but I can’t really figure that guy out.
Why, you ask? Why did he kill me? I had to die. I had to die because the coffin, in a twist of bad fortune, fit my exact dimensions. Who would lie in the coffin otherwise? The alternative was throwing the coffin out, which would mean throwing out the work of a decade. Who in his right mind would do that?
You guys probably think all this is in bad literary taste. But it’s not so bad. It is comfortable. That’s the most important thing people miss about being trapped inside a coffin. Some coffins are built for comfort. Some coffins are inherently superior.
You guys must be wondering how I am doing all this talking from the coffin if I am dead. Well, the answer to that is I am not sure if I am dead. Living inside coffins befuddles* the mind. I really can’t tell anymore if I am dead or alive.
Do I want to come out, you ask? Of course not. What if I am dead and half rotted to the bone? That will ruin your day. I will not do that to you good people of this country.
My only complaint with this whole enterprise would be perhaps that my coffin is excessively well-sealed. So much so that that even my dreams are insulated from light. Next time one of you guys decides to leave your friend inside a coffin, do him a favor and leave an LED on. It costs 20 bucks on Amazon.
*I am not sure what befuddles means. Please forgive me if I am wrong. I don’t want this error in articulation to reflect on the vocabulary of the general coffin living public.
Ranju Mamachan got his Masters in Thermal Science from the National Institute of Technology, Calicut, India. He is an Assistant Professor in the Mechanical Department of Manipal Institute of Technology. He sometimes resurrects dead writers in his class to the amusement of his students. Previously published in 1. Rigorous mag: https://rigorous-mag.com/v4i4/ranju-mamachan.html 2. Cabinet of Heed: https://cabinetofheed.com/2021/11/07/our-finest-moment-ranju-mamachan/ 3. Story titled Killing superman published in Chaicopy: https://issuu.com/chaicopy/docs/ripples
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